It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
