Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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