I showed him my bush... on skype.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
