she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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