I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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