then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize