i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
