so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
