Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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