Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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