what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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