Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
