so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
