so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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