I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
