Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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