my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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