you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
