Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
