And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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