I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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