So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
