Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
