help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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