Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
