So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
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I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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