I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
organizing the empties. That sober.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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