I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
