they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
either way he was missing a nipple.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
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How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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