sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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