I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
