My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
