I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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