Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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