remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
