I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
