Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
