Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
