I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
sarcasm needs its own font
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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