idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
