U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
