She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
