I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize