I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
