I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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