I have demons in me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
