turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
