i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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