I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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