Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
