Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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