Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
