I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So many bounce houses so little time
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize