I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
