He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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