u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
