i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if only i could text you this smell
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
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its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
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I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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