...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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