this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
