my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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