I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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