And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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