A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
nutella sex= disaster
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
